This is the second of the two posts I wrote this week. Just when I had decided to give up on the church, out of the blue, I receive an email from a friend about a Sunday study on a book by Marcus Borg, a progressive Bible scholar. Coincidence or providence, I'm not sure (I once wrote a post on this dilemma). I'm still deliberating whether I should attend. But at least now I have a viable option. I'll keep you updated on any "developments". In the meantime, I'll publish these posts, since after all, this blog is meant to chronicle my dynamic and unsteady journey as it unfolds.
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I'm starting to think that finding community in the church is not a realistic goal, considering the status of the church today. Last year, we visited a variety of churches, but all of them were in the conservative to mainline evangelical class. When I wrote the first post on my quest for community a few weeks ago, we were considering branching out to moderate to liberal Methodist or Episcopal churches. However, I lack the motivation to follow through and attend a church service. I question whether I will fit in as a semi-conservative, intellectually liberal agnostic having a difficult time separating out fundamentalist indoctrination without throwing all of Christianity away, or at best, becoming a "cultural" Christian with a fairweather perspective.
Many factors have influenced my altered outlook on community. With a new school year, I've found a community of moms with the various weekly activities of the kids. Furthermore, I suspect that the pregnancy nausea, while improved, may remain with me through the rest of my pregnancy. Last, weeding through all the guidelines and statements of various congregations is utterly exhausting. And thus, I abandon my church hunt before it ever started!
My dad has become a huge fan of Borg as a mentor on the path out of fundamentalism. I'm haven't been such a fan--not because I disagree with him, just because I never liked his "voice" in his books. But I just read his newest book on reclaiming Christian language and LOVED it. I plan on actually buying this one (I read the library copy) and re-reading several times.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I are in the process of searching for a church, and totally get you on the "exhausting" part. It feels overwhelming and hopeless. Why does it have to be so hard?
ReplyDeleteLet the mountain come to Buddha.
ReplyDeleteDid you go to the book study? It might be good, and maybe you can open up more to others about your doubt. You never know who you might run into who may help you in your searching. Hope your nausea goes away.
ReplyDeleteSandra: glad to hear a positive review. There's always that part of me that knows Borg is considered a heretic by conservatives, and therefore wonders why even bother. The childhood indoctrination persists no matter how hard I try to overcome it.
ReplyDeleteDavid: I'm certain that perspective makes the hunt even more difficult. We have been taught to be cautious of "false teachers".
Freetoken: I have wondered why even bother trying. I cycle between periods of motivation or apathy.
Mark/all: Last Sunday was yet another letdown. My son came down with a fever/ear infection the night before, so we stayed home.
UPDATE Life has been busy lately, but I wanted to update that we finally visited the methodist church. It was a large congregation, with a diversity of age groups, a historic chapel next to the university, and traditional but well-done music. The people in the marcus borg study on "the God we never knew" seemed open minded. It might be a good fit....the irony is that the church is super close to us, but we never considered it b/c all the evangelical christians we knew looked down upon the churches near the university.
ReplyDeleteIf you get to close to the place of learning, you might learn something. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs an evangelical christian we were reminded endlessly to avoid all "other" churches, less we be influenced and fall away from the one true church. It was normal to look down on everyone else but us. :-(